Armpit To Replace Pussy I knew it!

Just days after I post "Perhaps the use of 'armpit' in conjunction with 'sex' is just long over due in my mind" Fleshbot posts the "Japanese Armpit Fetish Videos". Naturally, I did as they suggested, and ran the page through Bablefish... My favorite is "Odor of menthol type" Hmm, how does one get menthol smelling armpits? Wait a minute. I don't really want to know.

Instead, I'd rather find more references of armpit sex....

Apparently, you can love your own armpit – it's masturbatory! Is this armpit sex the new androgyny? We want gender-free parts now?

AllThePits.com takes pits seriously. They offer hairy hardcore videos & even offer pro-hairy-pit articles. It's like a political statement, apparently.

This site claims “Dude shoots a very thick load of cum in the armpit of a jock. The cum gets stuck in the jock's thick smelly hair pit hair.” Is this really necessary?

This columnist is a bit PO'd about the status of armpit moisture & how it denigrates men. Really. He says "The ad slogan is "Dry Pits Win." The message is: Your chick is not really dating you, dumbass. She is dating your giant hairy armpit. This is all she really cares about."

I thought I was the only one who hated the Axe commercials. Every last figgin' one too. But if the choice of companion is the Axe guy or the smelly guy above, that's a no-brainer. I'll suffer the stinging pride of supporting Axe longer than the stinging pain in nostrils & eyes. (Note: I said 'companion,' I did not agree to armpit sex with anyone.)

However, there is some practical use for armpit sex. Or so we are told: "Besides just feeling good to me (and to boy—warm, soft, optionally furry envelopment), the frontwards version of armpit sex makes a good short break from sucking cock (if boy is upright); I can hug him with his unit in my armpit, and take a moment to get my jaw back in working order or kiss his belly."

Now every girl can use a little jaw rejuvenation break... but I am leary of taking his 'unit' back in my mouth after it's been there... deoderant can't be a pleasant tasting thing...

But then she also points out another very practical point: -- "The only practical consideration for me is that I don't care much for sticky or wet messes in my armpits and prefer to have boy come somewhere else. We have never stuck with armpit sex right through to orgasm anyway..."

Yeah, now that's what I am talking about. No thanks, Mister, if you want to screw me, you'll need to employ my pussy. I'm not into armpit sex. Not casually, not in a loving committed relationship. Just not interested period.  ¶ 5:34 PM 1 comments   

  Everybody loves Lesbians! OK, I don't want to beat a dead horse here, but as the horror continues...

A well known adult webmaster school, CozyAcademy, instructs their pupils in utter mythology:

"Everybody loves Lesbians! Straight men love them because they just do. Straight women love them because lesbians don't appear to be exploiting each other. Lesbians love lesbians because they're lesbians. Even some gay men enjoy watching a little carpet munching from time to time."

Straight men love them "just because the do?" That's the best the teacher could muster?! Sure, there's a butt-load of straight males with a lesbian fantasy -- at the start, anyway. The ultimate part is that he gets to join the shes, and convince them that cock rules. Sure, he'd like to have them remain 'lesbians,' in the menage a trois fashion. For more on this subject, read Why men like lesbians.


We straight women love lesbians because they "don't appear to be exploiting each other." If you think a straight woman doesn't see that porn which takes straight women & puts them in scenarios created by & for men (as directed by Ms Titmouse at the academy) as exploitive, you really, really, think women are even dumber than than straight men. That's insulting.

"Lesbians love lesbians." Hell, that's true enough. But according to this tutorial, this isn't about lesbians. Since I've identified myself as 'straight' (but not narrow), perhaps you don't trust me to be the voice of lesbian-reaction-to-lesbian-porn. Well, you don't need me to be. Ask Sappho or Rollertrain.

"Even some gay men enjoy watching a little carpet munching from time to time." Since Titmouse has been so dead-on with her other well researched facts, I not inclined to believe her. In fact, it is far more likely that lesbians watch & enjoy gay male porn.

Titmouse continues: "Let's face it, the penis is not the most photogenic body part. Not to mention, when you insert a penis into a scene, that scene automatically becomes hardcore porn. Lesbian porn can be hardcore but it's more like diet hardcore. For some inexplicable reason, when women fuck each other, everybody is happy."

A few other corrections here --

A) When you "insert a penis into a scene, that scene automatically becomes hardcore porn." Well, I'm no legal professor, but first, the penis would have to be naked. And isn't a naked penis as 'wrong' as a naked pussy? I think the scene becomes hardcore when the penis is inserted into the other person in the scene, not just appearing on video or pixelized... Ditto for the dildo, her fingers in the pie, lip service.

B) I don't know what "diet hardcore" is. I don't think she knows either. If I had to guess, I'd say it has 1/2 the calories. Or maybe it's hardcore you can live on, as in a steady diet of hardcore... Which leads me to --

C) "The penis is not the photogenic body part." Hmm. Well, I guess that all goes to your preference. I like to look at cock myself. But it is proven that the nude female form is more generally perceived as lovely than the male. This because of the female having more curves -- and curves are deemed more attractive & natural than sharp or straight lines. It is a well documented fact, & part of the art student's study. If Titmouse had persued this line of logic in her reasoning why the nude female form was more appealing, her article would not have been blasted by me.

Instead she choose to be a cliched purveyor of misinformation which will affect my smut in a negative way.

Titmouse winds her lecture up with this gem of wisdom: "Right now, lesbian porn is at the height of fashion. It's almost chic to be a lesbian. That might change some day but there will always be an audience for the ladies who munch."

Oh, I'm having an 80's flashback.

For those of you who think I'm anti-lesbian porn, bite me. You've completely misunderstood my point.

Make lesbian porn for lesbians -- better yet, have lesbian porn made by lesbians. And read lesbian porn site reviews by lesbians, ok?

Stop creating crap. And shame on that school for instructing you to make crap.  ¶ 9:48 PM 0 comments   

  More Teen Sites, Porn-Opine's Angst The same people who bring you the bubblegum blowing teens, also bring you...

TicklingTeenies -- a site where girls are tickled on their tummies, on their little feety-weetsies, by each other, by men, it doesn't matter. It's such a giggle-fest!

*gag*

Let's be honest, it's simply another one of those 'imagine being able to hide in a closet when all the teeny-boppers have a party & see what they really do together' deal.

Girls don't do this.

But webmaster Bob has all this left over pastel pink & baby blue html code... He can't let it go to waste, so what's he gonna do?

He's gonna make teen sites, baby! And he's gonna find his niche...

The tickling of body parts! Sure, it's a small audience, but no one has bid this combination of keywords up to $25 yet -- There's keyword-rich-territory, my friends!

Bob's a genius.

I'm willing to conceed that there's a large foot fetish following, so sure, bill the 'bare feet' all you want. And yes, tickling is a sensation one can use during sex, in fact, used too long it can actually become abusive, & so might be the punishment of choice for an out of work comedy writer with control issues.

But I am most ammused to see 'armpit' used as part of the site's meta tags & keywords. Hell, I think I might actually be impressed. I don't know why. Perhaps the use of 'armpit' in conjunction with 'sex' is just long over due in my mind.

Pretty baby blue & pastel pink 'teen' sites are not.

And so we have pretty young things tickling themselves into seizures, giggling uncontrollably as males enter their virgin armpits -- All this tickling naturally leads to the girls wetting themselves, so webmaster Bob also offers you SquirtingTeenies.

I could start in again on my hatred regarding the pastel-teen-site-mania, but something else is of interest here...

Gee, they went all out on the corporate tees!

"Hey, Bob, we're almost out of tap water & catheters."

Bob says "While I run to Wal*Mart, keep an eye on the girls..."

"But what am I gonna do with 'em?"

"I dunno, here's a marker, have the girls write on those leftover baby t-shirts..."

Bob is a genius.  ¶ 3:06 PM 0 comments   

  Another Helping of Cheesecake, Anyone? Love your ladies leaving something to the imagination? Long for the days of vintage dress -- and undress? Then check out the Java Bachelor's Cheesecake contest.

Sign up for the free group, then travel to the 'photos' section, find the 'file folder' marked "Cheesecake Contest Entrants" and from there you'll find 25 folders -- each folder has multiple photos of each woman entered. That's 25 babes -- a whole lot of slices of cheesecake!


You vote for your favorite via the group's poll. So vote now already! Java's Bachelor Pad Cheesecake Contest!  ¶ 10:49 AM 0 comments